Raw: Bruises & All

When it feels like we're fighting for your life, is it possible to see the successes?

“That’s what I like about you. You never take the easy way out.” - Jory Roberts, circa 2004

I have had a helluva year. If fighting the good fight were interpreted as an actual fight, I’d say I’ve landed several good hits, but I’m getting pummeled over here. I’m managing all the mental baggage that comes with living on after a heart attack. I’m working on all the dietary consistency and exercise requirements that come with living on after a heart attack, too. I’m balancing commission work and creating new work. I’m trying to manage having a studio forty-five minutes from home. I’m clawing my way back into events, and trying to promote Dylan’s Drink & Draw. On top of all that, I write a newsletter every week, I manage the Brimstone Clubhouse, I manage my webstore, and I try to be an engaged citizen. Which pieces of this disjointed puzzle actually end up working out varies.

Let’s count the hits I’ve landed and the hits I’ve taken.

The last weekend of May was Des Moines Con, central Iowa’s powerhouse pop culture convention. I have a roller coaster-like relationship with the show. I love attending it because it’s not several hours from home. It’s in a crowd that’s starting to recognize me, and that’s cool! But, my first time vending at the show was devastating on my bank account. That’s never the goal, which made me highly cautious in year two, last year. However, last year was looking up. Sales turned up, and I had a knockout Dylan’s Drink & Draw that built a great relationship with the showrunners. This year, unfortunately, brought back the sales I struggled with in the first year.

Hit taken.

Dylan’s Drink & Draw @ Des Moines Con 2025

But it’s not all bad news. Not by a long shot. This year, the showrunners and I knew how to promote Dylan’s Drink & Draw. We even went as far as to host two of them, with one for kids! Both were a hit, with the traditional Friday night game being a smash success. We’re really building something. I couldn’t have killed it without dedicated support from the Des Moines Con staff and all the phenomenal back up from my friends and colleagues who judged and helped run the room. We killed it.

Hit landed.

All year long, show after show, I have crawled back home with tepid to miserable sales. It’s been intense and challenging. From Kansas City, to Nebraska, to Rochester, and even Rhinelander, I’ve seen dips that I can’t describe. After Des Moines, I wasn’t sure how to write this. Fighting the Good Fight is about being raw and honest, but what the hell was I going to say that wasn’t self-defeating? Even before my new health concerns, I was putting more time and energy toward making work that fulfills me, even if it’s not for everyone. I’m selling sardines, after all. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that loss after loss didn’t start to feel like I was utterly undesirable and no good.

Hit taken, and taken, and taken, and taken.

I’m presenting new material, like Violet 9, and cryptid shirts, and I’m feeling the struggles that started back when Champions first dropped: how do you get someone on board with something so new? “When am I going to cave and take the less fulfilling, easier way out?” I find myself asking. Here I am, at pop culture shows with original character art, original pinup comics, and cryptids they don’t recognize. What am I even doing? Why aren’t I only making fan art, that’s what these people want.

I spent longer than I wish I had in the dark corners of my mind during the show. It’s not useful, but it’s what I did. At least until someone visited my table to complement Dylan’s Drink & Draw. It’s powerful to be told by an attendee the impact the experience had on them. Even more powerful when the showrunner is three feet away and the attendee has the opportunity to tell them what it meant to them. I created something that gave that attendee a memory to hold onto, a goofy time that took the whole world away for a few hours. That's what events like these are for.

Judge’s view as contestants filtered in

Hit landed.

While Des Moines Con was in full-swing, the Iowa Trans Mutual Aid Fund sales drive on the Brimstone site was under way. I aimed to get more eyes on my work, and more product in people’s hands while we fought for the aid of our trans friends and loved ones. It was a big undertaking. Yes, I wish I’d had the time and energy to promote it like mad, but I gave myself grace and pushed as hard as I could. The Brimstone community showed up with force. Even more impressively, I filled orders from folks in Iowa, and even Ohio, that I didn’t even know! That’s a great start toward continued good.

I have to account for overhead, which allowed me to promise 30% of revenue to the Iowa Trans Mutual Aid Fund. The grand total came out to $36. I wasn’t certain about sharing the exact number because it’s not huge. But it’s $36 more than nothing. It’s my first fundraiser like this, and it’s a great start! Who knows where we might be next time? And, most of these sales were Fight Fuck Dance Destroy shirts and tanks that were designed in partnership with an LGBTQ+ member of the Brimstone Order. We got that message out there and their design in more hands. It’s a powerful message, and I know it’ll keep growing.

Hit landed.

I wish I had spent less time in my head. I can’t undo that. Looking back on the weekend, I’m so grateful I had people I loved around me. I got to see folks I only ever see in the context of art and events. They showed up for me when I needed them, and they made me laugh into the night. I had the opportunity to connect new folks like Melanie, from Catloaf Studio, with folks like Drew Brockington, of Catstronauts fame. I got to put Mike Kingston, from Headlocked Comics on a stage in front of eighty people sketching absurdities. I met new industry folks, and I was on the Too Many Words Podcast.

Hit Landed.

Maybe the best thing that could come out of the turmoil I’ve been experiencing is that I actually wrote this. I had moments through the weekend in which I considered skipping this week, or the next week, or even all of them. I wanted to throw in all the towels. I wanted to shrink away and hide. On my drive home after the con, I took the hour to think about how I could present these stacking experiences and describe them in a way that didn’t solely dig me further into a hole I knew I wouldn’t escape from. Writing this wasn’t easy, and I’m not sure how it’ll be received. But writing this is the first step forward in trying to get off the back foot.

Hit landed.

I have a lot to consider when it comes to my work and how it’s being received at shows. I’m still not a master at selling niche interests, but I’m learning. A lot is going on in the world. Our economy is experiencing strain with an administration full of threats and chickening out. Our states are eroding towards hate and fear. The arts are constantly attacked by reactionaries and AI tech bros. I’m at a stalemate in this leg of my fight. The easy way out is throwing in the towel, and I’m not doing that. As nice as it seems that might feel when I’m at my lowest, that’s not who I am. At the end of the day, I think that’s all for the best.

More shots from Dylan's Drink & Draw

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