Nostalgic for Now #4: Two Years in the Making
It's been two years of Fighting the Good Fight. How do I stand on Nostalgia now?
(This post is sponsored by Friday Night Bigfoot, live on Kickstarter!)
There was a time, which seems like ages ago, that I had my newsletters written well ahead of time. Okay, maybe not well, well ahead. But far enough that I was one to two weeks ahead on each newsletter. Back when I started Fighting the Good Fight, I was hunkered down in bookstores and coffee shops, hammering them out just a few hours before they went out. I wrote them right in Substack, and published them with little to no proofreading. Now, celebrating my second year running this newsletter, I find myself sitting in a coffee shop a few hours before this goes live, typing as fast as I can. I’m typing it in a word processor, though! And I’ll proofread this as I bring it into Substack, so I’ve got that going for me.
What happened to the preparedness? A heart attack happened, that’s what! There were a few other factors, too. Events always make things hairy. Moving into the studio made things hairy. My editor took on new, and interesting work, which made things hairy. Things change. It’s our one constant in life: change.
This time last year, I reshared my first post from Fighting the Good Fight, Nostalgic For Now #1. In it, I talked about my music taste and inspiration, and how it made me wrestle with nostalgia. I even claimed that nostalgia was a negative emotion, which I still largely agree with. Now, as change has become an unavoidable focal point of everything I do, I am starting to form a more clear understanding of where nostalgia comes from and why it might not always serve us the best.
“One day you will be nostalgic for today.”
― Lang Leav, Lullabies (Volume 2)
When Fighting the Good Fight started, I was under the assumption I’d be running posts as series, likely in a linear format. I abandoned that pretty quickly. This entry is in my original series titled after a sentiment shared by Andy on The Office, and paraphrased from a quote by Lang Leav. My current position is that nostalgia is driven not only by reflection on where we were, and what we had, at a given time, but also after change impacts our lives. A truly earth shattering revelation none of you already knew, I’m sure.
Right now, I am nostalgic for the time when I was ahead on posts. I am nostalgic for the time when I felt everything was under my control. Back when I wrote the first post on nostalgia, I was openly longing for the days I spent at concerts, even though they took place during some of the poorest and most challenging days of my life. I was missing days when I had no control at all. It’s uncanny to compare the two. The more I try to compare these feelings, the more I come to find that the things they have in common are me and my capability of being in the moment.
I don’t think I was more out of the moment than normal when I was experiencing the things I miss now. Though, I am often fighting in my head and forgetting to savor things all the time, I think I was living those moments as genuinely as I could and that might be what I feel like I’m missing. When things change, or new challenges arise, it can be easy to look back on moments when things were exactly as we wanted them, instead of trying to be present in the good things we have right now despite the challenges.
I think it’s almost too easy to tune out when I catch myself in a moment that’s boring, uncomfortable, or hard. I’ve turned into another dissociated zombie scrolling on my phone. I’m addicted to screens and stare them down in restaurants. I have music and podcasts on when I’m playing video games even. Over stimulus has become a crutch I rely on to avoid processing me at any given moment.
When I look at the times I feel nostalgic for, I think I’m missing not only control, but a sense of a self that feels out of my grasp. Maybe if I fought just a bit harder to not pick up my iPhone, or to ignore that obnoxious TV in every corner I ever look in, I could spend time thinking about the moment I’m in. I could process the challenges and changes that I have at hand. Or, maybe I could just enjoy whatever I’m actually surrounded with or engaging in. It’s particularly urgent for me because I bill myself as a storyteller and creative person, and it is deeply important to have experiences if I’m ever going to have valuable things to say.
Striving to live in the moment is important, even when we’re experiencing something banal like the routine of a coffee shop. It can be important when we’re struggling for control, too. In fact, being present helps me accept that even if I don’t have the control I want, I’m certainly in charge enough to still get these newsletters out on time. I think our presence will also aid in turning nostalgia from a negative emotion toward a positive. We can never relive the past, as much as we might try. We shouldn’t spend our time wishing for yesterday. But, when we know we might find ourselves nostalgic for right now — that we might cherish this very moment — perhaps we can use that taste of coffee, or the sound of our favorite songs, to remember the value we found in those distant moments. We can, again, savor what we once savored, knowing we’ll have even more to savor when today changes into tomorrow.
Today’s Tune
Friday Night Bigfoot
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I yearn for the day when I was ahead on projects too lol